


Deflection

by Tarlan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Community: mcsheplets, Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-01-01
Updated: 2008-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-21 04:41:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/221020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the Wraith hallucination device, John mulls over the events of the day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Deflection

**Author's Note:**

> LJ Mcsheplets #9: The Other Side of the Deadline and #8: Season 3 Tag: Phantoms challenges

"I can't believe you shot me!"

"Get some sleep, Rodney." John barely kept the despair out of his voice and sighed deeply, wondering how he was ever going to live this one down. He knew it was the Wraith device that had caused all of this, dragging out one of his worst memories and forcing him to relive it. Even Rodney had admitted to reliving his worst nightmare, not being fast enough or clever enough to shut down something before it overloaded and destroyed them all. They all experienced what they feared most; the re-enactment of Arcturus, the Wraith, losing a patient...and losing a friend. All except Teyla, whose Wraith DNA saved her from experiencing the worst effects. In Rodney's case the resulting explosion failed to happen because it was all in his head, and once he realized this, the Wraith device lost its control over him.

The problem was that even with Teyla constantly trying to convince him that it was all unreal, he had not been able to shake the images of Holland and the desert stretching in all directions. Worse, now that he was back in his right mind, he no longer saw some faceless Taliban fighter in his line of sight. Rodney's face was superimposed on top, his hands raised defensively, blue eyes wide with fear, confusion and betrayal as he looked straight into John's eyes and saw what? A stranger, a cold-blooded killer who showed no emotion and no remorse as he pulled the trigger and sent a bullet straight for his heart. Only Teyla's last second shove on his arm had saved him, the bullet deflecting off a rib rather than tearing through Rodney's heart.

Hearing Rodney's stunned voice repeating the same words of disbelief over and over was killing him. Ronon was finding it amusing but the small hand squeezing his arm proved that Teyla understood how close he had come to tragedy today. In truth, John was filled with similar disbelief.

I can't believe I shot him, he thought over and over. I can't believe I shot Rodney, that I aimed to kill, that I could have killed him if not for Teyla.

Carson finished tending to Rodney's wound and patted his shoulder before pushing up and wandering across to where Kagan rested peacefully, his wound more serious than Rodney's by only a small deflection in the wrong direction. John looked back across at Rodney.

I can't believe I shot him.

John pushed to his feet. "I'm going to get a fire started...just in case."

"I'll help." Ronon rose to his feet smoothly and followed, picking up small dry branches and placing them in an ever growing pile as John cleared some space for the fire pit. Within a few minutes, the first flames were licking at the wood and John shuddered, not realizing how cold he felt until that moment. He glanced upwards and noticed that the sun was setting a little faster than anticipated due to the faster rotation of this world. He rubbed his hands together briskly over the small fire, feeling the heat seep into his palms and glanced up as Ronon helped Teyla draw closer to the fire, allowing her to use his strength as she settled down opposite.

"Colonel?" John looked to Carson. "Would you mind sitting with Rodney while I keep an eye on Lieutenant Kagan."

"Sure."

He replied brightly enough but part of him dreaded the task, not wanting to see the damage he had inflicted upon his friend. He approached quietly and sank down beside Rodney, not wanting to disturb him now that he had fallen silent. Carson must have covered Rodney with one of the spare survival blankets for warmth and John knew there was another laid on the ground beneath him to protect him from the cold, damp earth. John had helped to place it under Rodney on Carson's request over an hour ago. All he could see of Rodney was his pale face but, mercifully, his eyes were closed.

Sleeping at last, John thought with a sigh of relief because he could not bear to see Rodney look up at him with his eyes still filled with shock, pain and betrayal.

In sleep, Rodney looked far younger, almost childlike with one hand tucked beneath his chin. Long pale lashes flickered and John wondered if he was dreaming, but then his eyes opened and he was staring straight up at John. Momentary fear in the blue eyes sent a shock wave of sorrow through John but Rodney reached out and grabbed John's wrist before he could turn away, forcing John to hold his gaze a moment longer. The fear had gone and in its place was something he didn't deserve--trust.

He felt Rodney's thumb caress his wrist and twisted his arm to capture Rodney's hand in his, threading their fingers together while his other hand cupped Rodney's cheek. His thumb caressed the slightly downturned lips and it took every ounce of his already shredded control not to lean down and kiss Rodney, desperately wanting to feel Rodney's warm breath upon his own face, to know for certain that he was alive.

He closed his eyes as Rodney pressed his cheek into John's palm, offering forgiveness and so much more in such a small gesture.

"I can't believe I shot you," John whispered hoarsely, before giving in to desperate need and kissing him.

END


End file.
